IFS Therapy and The 5 Things I Love About It
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is my new favorite therapy. So much so that I completed the intensive level 1 training and have been a client in IFS therapy for almost a year. The very short version of IFS therapy is that we are made of many parts that interact with one another to create our system of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. We shift between these parts, which have differing abilities to cope and function within our world.
Within our system we typically engage with a few specific types of parts:
Exiled Parts:
Exiled parts hold the majority of our emotional pain, maladaptive thinking, or extreme feelings. Our system has “exiled” these parts away as a way to disconnect the emotional pain they hold from our system. The parts we exile are typically rooted in childhood and tend to be the parts that require healing within our system.
Managers:
Manager parts are created to keep parts we have exiled in “check”. Managers try to keep the exiled parts at bay in hope that the exiled parts do not become too active and disruptive within our system.
Firefighters:
Firefighter parts activate when exiled parts become extreme. Firefighters do whatever it takes in order to bring the system back into balance and keep exiled parts at bay. They can be destructive and often think the destructive behavior is worth it in order to save the system from fully experiencing the pain that the exiled parts hold or firefighters do not realize how the destructive behaviors are influencing our systems.
Self:
Self is not actually a part but important nonetheless. Self is the current, modern version of who we are. This version of ourselves is compassionate, curious, creative, patient, reasonable, and has access to coping skills and resources. When our parts become active we typically lose access to part of self or to self completely. Self is a tricky term to wrap your head around (I am still working on it) but a good way to think of self is that exiled parts are rooted in childhood and when they become active they usually do not have access to self and therefore become maladaptive. This causes the overall dysfunction that IFS looks to heal and is why many people come to discover that their mental health issues are much easier to manage once they are able to put self back in charge of their system versus having parts control the system. IFS concludes that self has all the coping skills you need and that connecting back to self also connects you back to your natural skills. So far, this has been spot on in my personal experience as well as the experiences of my clients.
So without ado, my five favorite things about IFS:
The overall goal of IFS is to heal parts from their emotional wounds and bring self in control of your system
This is done by unburdening pain and experiences from parts we have exiled from our system versus other types of therapy that encourage coping mechanisms to manage what they hold. The parts that hold emotional wounds are often rooted in childhood and typically do not realize that you are no longer a child and that you are capable of handling the present day situation.
IFS does not access pain or emotional wounds forcefully
The process of IFS is gentle and respectful, yet deep. It works by understanding the parts that makeup your system before asking for permission from these protective parts to access the parts we have exiled from our system.
There are no bad parts
IFS assumes that there are no bad parts despite some parts doing damage to our system. Damage to our systems might look like binge eating, abusive use of alcohol or drugs, fits of rage, dissociation, or cutting, or other forms of self-harm. It might also look less extreme but be damaging nonetheless such as being absorbed in social media for long periods of time, procrastinating, numbness, or binge watching media. Many parts that do damage to our systems usually don’t realize the damage they are doing or believe that doing this damage is less consequential than allowing someone’s system to experience the pain the exiled part holds.
It feels very natural to use the IFS model and the learning curve gentle
Many clients are able to flow into IFS very quickly. Other forms of therapy, like EMDR, sometimes have a steeper learning curve, or clients need further time exploring their system before beginning EMDR. IFS can explore, reprocess, and heal from the get-go because it allows for part discovery naturally and is very safe for new or unknown parts to participate in.
It allows healthy interaction between the client and therapist
As an IFS trained therapist, I am also aware of my own parts that come up during the session. This allows me to better navigate how my system functions in relationship to your system so I am more attuned to what is happening to you, me, and our relationship as therapist and client.