YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU EXPERIENCED TRAUMA, RIGHT? 2024 update
Understanding Trauma: It's What Happens Inside That Counts
Trauma isn’t just about the events that unfold in the external world; it’s deeply rooted in how our minds and bodies respond internally. Our fears, reactions, and concerns live within us, shaped far more by our inner experiences than by external circumstances. Through observing the impact of trauma on individuals, I’ve grown to understand that our internal systems almost seem to anticipate some degree of traumatization. We are equipped with innate mechanisms designed to navigate through our experiences. Manifestations of trauma can vary widely, appearing as anxiety, depression, isolation, fear, emotional and physical pain, shame, embarrassment, disordered eating, or even alcohol abuse. The truth is, since trauma resides within, not outside us, it’s likely that we are all navigating through life with varying degrees of trauma.
The Personal Nature of Trauma: Inside Our Internal Battle"
Trauma unfolds within us, shaped by our personal responses to distressing events. My focus on the internal aspects of trauma stems from observing how similar situations impact individuals differently. The extent or presence of trauma we carry isn’t dictated by external events but by our internal processing. This variability is influenced by our past experiences, our sense of helplessness or resilience, and our inherent vulnerabilities, making trauma a deeply personal experience.
Our brains are adept at managing these complexities, but this coping mechanism isn’t without its drawbacks. Sometimes, the parts of our brain tasked with handling trauma can become fixated at the moment of the event. This means that long after the event has passed, our brain might still employ the same coping strategies in distressing situations, strategies that may no longer be relevant or effective. Despite changes in our circumstances and the development of new resources, our brain might not recognize that we have aged beyond the moment of trauma, persisting in using outdated methods of coping.
The Impact of Vulnerability on Trauma: A Childhood Perspective
The key indicator of whether someone will bear the weight of trauma long-term often hinges on their vulnerability. At the heart of vulnerability lies a group universally affected regardless of the scenario: children. Unlike adults, who have the means to access transportation, support networks via cell phones, or the option to relocate and seek professional help through therapy or medication, children are at a distinct disadvantage. Adults might have financial independence or the physical presence to assert themselves, attributes that vary greatly among individuals. However, children consistently lack these advantages. They depend entirely on adults for their well-being and resources. Tragically, it’s not uncommon for the very adults they depend on to be the source of harm. As a result, much of the trauma we carry into our later lives originates from our childhood, a time when we were most exposed and defenseless.
Our brain copes with trauma by separating our beliefs, emotions, and memories into parts
Our brains have a natural mechanism to categorize beliefs, emotions, and memories into distinct parts—a process everyone experiences, including you! In some cases, trauma can be mild, allowing these parts to reintegrate and process the experience through natural resilience, support from parents, conversations with friends, or mental health counseling. However, when trauma is too intense, it leads to a fragmentation of these parts, separating the pain to cope. These fragmented pieces often remain unhealed without the intervention of professional therapy. Our psyche tends to divide these parts into protective elements and those that carry our pain. The protective parts work tirelessly to distance us from the pain-carrying parts, fearing their influence could overwhelm us. They act to isolate and protect our inner world from these pain-filled fragments. Given our heightened vulnerability in childhood, these protective measures become more entrenched over time. This dynamic forms the foundation of what Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapies aim to address, facilitating a path towards healing by reconciling these fragmented parts.
What does trauma look like in the brain and body?
Trauma looks like anxiety, depression, addiction, self-harm, self-doubt, low self-esteem, disordered eating, or alcohol abuse. To come to think of it, it looks like everything because our brain and body have no cookie cutter way of displaying that we hold pain.
TRIGGER WARNING: THESE EXAMPLES ARE EXAMPLES AND SUMMARIES OF REAL EVENTS AND MAY BE TRIGGERING.
Example 1: unrelenting positive regard
When a parent instills the belief in their child that they can excel as a baseball hitter, constantly reinforcing the idea with encouragement to “keep trying,” it’s done with the best intentions. Yet, this approach can inadvertently lead to harm if the child lacks the natural aptitude for hitting. Such a child might internalize a disconnect between the encouragement they receive and their actual abilities, fostering feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. They might come to see themselves as failures, unable to meet expectations despite positive reinforcement. This subtle dynamic can plant the seeds for deep-seated beliefs like “I am a failure” or “something is wrong with me,” despite all the encouragement. It’s crucial to remember the unique perspective and vulnerabilities of a child’s world and how these differ significantly from adult priorities.
Example 2: special treatment
When a parent shows a preference for one child over others, it often results in unequal treatment. This could manifest as the favored child receiving less punishment than their siblings, or being treated with more leniency. Observing these family dynamics, the favored child may internalize the message that making mistakes is unacceptable. This observation can lead to a deep-seated belief in the child that acknowledging errors or taking responsibility is to be avoided at all costs. Such a child, having grown accustomed to being favored, might find conflict, especially in the form of arguments or disagreements, intolerable in adulthood. This aversion can manifest in various ways, including a lack of empathy towards the needs of children, a tendency to become overly strict, or resorting to anger and shouting to preemptively quash any potential conflicts outside their control.
Example 3: molested
Children who suffer from sexual abuse often carry with them deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment, harboring beliefs of being weak, worthless, or inadequate. As these individuals grow into adulthood, their protective inner parts, having been witnesses to the child’s anguish, guide them away from situations that might trigger these painful emotions or beliefs. This avoidance can manifest in various harmful behaviors, such as disordered eating, emotional numbness, extreme emotional reactions, challenges in maintaining friendships or intimate relationships, or the excessive consumption of alcohol or drugs. These protective parts are constantly on edge, questioning when positive emotions will cease or fearing abandonment. Physical touch in certain areas may resurrect feelings of worthlessness or guilt, prompting these parts to swiftly shut down these emotions to prevent them from overwhelming the individual. In an attempt to cope, they might resort to unhealthy behaviors like alcohol abuse or disordered eating. Carrying the burden of their abuse, these individuals might grow up believing they are to blame for negative occurrences, unjustly assuming responsibility for situations beyond their control.
clues that there is trauma somewhere in someone’s life:
- Perfectionism
- Drug addiction or alcoholism
- Righteousness
- Narcissism
- Disordered eating or an eating disorder (they’re different)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Chronic pain
- Chronic fatigue
- Over exercising
- Panic attacks
- Cycling through relationships or not maintaining some degree of friendships
- People who have low self-esteem or self-worth
- People pleasing to an unreasonable amount, for example, ALL the time
- Excessive vanity
- Short tempered, easily angered, or easily emotionally injured
- Internal conflict that does not go away
- Incest and sexual assault
- Core negative beliefs
Core negative beliefs that people with trauma might hold:
- I must be perfect
- I am bad
- I am shameful
- I am not allowed to make mistakes
- I cannot manage things
- I am always right
- I am not likable
- I am worthless
- I am an embarrassment
- I am powerless
- I am broken
experienceS people might have who hold trauma:
- Repeated attempts in mental health therapy to resolve mental health symptoms without positive or lasting results
- Chronic pain that doctors continually dismiss
- Chronic fatigue that does not go away
- Health conditions in which doctors continually tell you there is nothing wrong
- Medications specific for mental health that do not work
- Difficulty staying calm and collected when others find it easy
- Repeated outbursts of rage or anger
- Taking things personally that your child or children do
- Overreacting or underreacting to a child’s normal developmental needs
- Feeling shame when engaging in typical sexual activities
- Repeated significant weight gain or weight loss
- Having experiences that you have no memory of
- Repeated loss of friendships or relationships
- Unhealthy habits with food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex
- Watching excessive amounts of porn
Treat your trauma with emdr and ifs
Through millennia of evolution, humans have developed complex mechanisms to cope with trauma. In contemporary times, mental health therapy stands out as the most effective method for addressing trauma, with the selection of an appropriate therapeutic approach being crucial. Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) are particularly adept at soothing protective parts of ourselves that remain fixated on past traumas, thereby facilitating healing for the aspects of us burdened with pain. Conversely, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), from my perspective, tends to challenge these protective parts by labeling their reactions as irrational, pushing for their elimination. This approach overlooks the vital role these parts have played in shielding us from past dangers, often when we had no other form of protection. The seemingly irrational beliefs held by these parts usually align perfectly with the context of the original trauma, even if they no longer apply to our current situation. Recognizing that all parts have a positive intent, despite sometimes contributing to present discomfort, encourages them to relax their guard. This openness creates space for healing the parts that carry our pain, which is precisely what EMDR and IFS aim to achieve. Both EMDR and IFS excel in reprocessing traumatic experiences, offering profound healing for emotional wounds.
Mental health therapists, Michael and Dakota, demonstrate EMDR.
Mental health therapists, Michael and Whitney, demonstrate IFS.
Mental health therapists, Whitney and Michael, demonstrate EMDR.
our practice specializes in emdr and ifs
It’s probably clear by now that I’m deeply convinced of the superiority of EMDR and IFS therapies over other therapeutic methods. I hold a firm belief that the root of many issues addressed in therapy is trauma, which, crucially, is an internal experience. External events that might not appear traumatic can be internally processed as such. Furthermore, vulnerability plays a significant role in whether and how we internalize traumatic experiences. What might seem inconsequential to an adult can leave a lasting traumatic impact on a child.
My endorsement for EMDR and IFS comes from dual vantage points: as someone who has personally undergone these therapies and as a therapist who has facilitated healing for others. The transformation I’ve experienced and witnessed through EMDR and IFS has been nothing short of remarkable. I warmly invite you to reach out to me to learn more about my journey with these therapies and to explore how EMDR and IFS might offer you pathways to healing.
Authored by Michael Lieberman